Where have you experienced or witnessed violence in your life?

Futures Without Violence has found that about 1 in 3 teenagers report some kind of abuse – including emotional and verbal abuse – in a romantic relationship.

Every day, an average of 483 women are raped or sexually assaulted in the United States.

In the past year, more than 5 million children were exposed to physical intimate partner violence – 6.6% of children in our country. Of these children, 1 in 3 reported being physically abused themselves.

With statistics like these, we could say that we have all been exposed to violence somewhere and at some point in our lives – whether we’ve experienced it ourselves or someone close to us has. We see the consequences to exposure to violence all around us. Violence leads to more violence and our exposure to it impacts our health and the health of our loved ones. For example:

• Women victimized by abuse are more likely to be diagnosed with serious health problems including depression, panic attacks, high risk behaviors such as tobacco and substance abuse and sexual risk taking, as well as migraines, chronic pain, arthritis, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal problems, inconsistent use of birth control, and delayed entry into prenatal care.

• Pregnant women are frequent targets of abuse and, as a result, are placed at risk for low birth weight babies, pre-term labor — pregnant and parenting teens are especially vulnerable.

• Abused children and those exposed to adult violence in their homes may have short and long term physical, emotional and learning problems, including: increased aggression, decreased responsiveness to adults, failure to thrive, posttraumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, hyper vigilance and hyperactivity, eating and sleeping problems, and developmental delays.

It’s one thing to know more about violence in our communities and in our country – and another to be able to do something about it. When I stop and think – Ok, how, then, do we stop violence? – I get stuck. It’s such a BIG issue and incredibly complex. But it seems a few groups of people have some ideas. Here are a few ideas from the Coalition to End Violence Against Women in Sudbury, Canada:

1. Recognize that it’s a men’s issue: Violence against women is not just a woman’s issue, it’s also a men’s issue that involves men of all ages, socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds.
2. Break the silence: When you are ready, tell others your stories about survival; this can help others share their stories thus reducing the shame associated with abuse.
3. Listen to women: When a woman discloses about violence in her life, listen and believe her.
4. Heal the violence in your own life: Many of us are survivors of abuse in some way and many of us fear becoming a victim of violence.  If you are emotionally, psychologically, physically or sexually abused, get help. Get counselling or join a support group.  If you are abusive to women, in any way, get help now.
5. Make violence your business: Some of us tend to have this belief that violence is a private thing and we should not be asking questions about other people’s business or relationships – especially when there is trouble. If you suspect violence in a home or if someone is being abused, ask them. Looking the other way will not help end violence against women. They may not tell you right away but your concern may show them you are someone they can trust. If you need extra support in support someone who is being abused, call your local women’s shelter or crisis line.
6. Raise non-violent children: Talk to your children about abuse and violence. Help them find non-violent ways to solve conflicts and encourage co-operative and non-violent play. Don’t use violence as punishments.
7. Support initiatives that promote women’s equality: Women make up the majority of victims of abuse. Get involved in your community’s rallies or awareness campaigns on ending violence. Help raise money so we can continue to our prevention work or volunteer in an organization working to end violence against women.
8. Challenge sexism: Media often portray women as sexual objects and often use images of violence against women to sell products.  Websites, music, movies, even books often describe and portray women in a sexual degrading or abusive manner. This is not OK. Challenge those statements by talking about the realities of women. Challenge gender roles.

Next week is the YWCA’s Week without Violence – a signature initiative created by YWCA USA nearly 20 years ago to mobilize people in communities across the United States to take action against all forms of violence, wherever it occurs. What will you do to take a stand, interrupt violence, and promote peace, health and wellness? What will you do to get involved?

Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love.

–Martin Luther King, Jr. 

For support around domestic violence, contact Doris O’Neal in Seattle at 206.280.9961 or JoJo Goan in South King County at 425.226.1266, ext.1017 or rgaon@ywcaworks.org. Learn more about YWCA services available for individuals and families experiencing domestic violence. To speak with a counselor to talk through something you’re experiencing, call us at 425.922.6192.